Confidence & Assertiveness

Getting in the right state emotionally and mentally
I have a feeling social confidence and assertiveness are not nearly as unobtainable or tricky as some believe. Maybe it starts from how you feel, what you say to yourself and what you imagine about others. And perhaps you can change these things so they work better for you. I reckon there are a few core attitudes for creating and maintaining assertiveness.

Here is a list of those core attitudes
Replace fear of upsetting others with eagerness to communicate
Be willing to "get it wrong" sometimes
Challenge and defeat your feelings of inadequacy or inferiority
Build useful beliefs about yourself instead
Create a good emotional state in yourself when dealing with others
Trust yourself
Have fun
Feel good about what you are doing
Imagine a constructive outcome
Be flexible in your communication
Focus on the person (not your thoughts about the person)
Build and maintain rapport
Acknowledge, understand and utilise "unconscious communication"
Make people feel good
Develop your non-verbal communication
Be persuasive
Embrace your charisma

You can find many useful NLP books and articles about each of the above. Alternatively you might enjoy NLP coaching or attending a reputable NLP course, where these skills will be a core part of what you learn.

Here are some useful websites:
Richard Bandler
John Grinder
NLP Seminars
NLP Connections (and forums)
NLP Training (near London)

What does NLP offer for Social Skills

NLP can teach us how we speak to people at every level of consciousness

Okay maybe this NLP stuff might sound a bit strange, the idea of speaking at every level of consciousness. Actually, it's very simple because NLP is very logical.

Most of the time, we socialise in automatic ways. People who have difficulties socialising have been doing the same things in social situations for years, or avoided those situations completely. Meanwhile people who are excellent at socialising have also learnt habits. But their habits work more effectively making them feel good when they're mixing with other people.

Another Successful Workshop

Thank you everybody who came to last Saturday's meditation and NLP workshop at The Shoreham Chiropractic Clinic in Shoreham-by-Sea, West Sussex. It was great to see familar faces and new ones too and I was delighted to hear everybody's positive feedback at the end of the session.

As promised I will send an MP3 to all participants very soon, so you can practise the "pocket rituals" and metaphor trances at home.