What might NLP and coaching offer to Conflict Resolution
I wonder if you have noticed some of the common characteristics of conflict, whether it be a momentary disagreement or something that has lasted a while.
The "Conflict State"
When you have been in conflict with somebody, and especially during the peak moments of that conflict, emotions were probably running high, you were in a different state to normal – maybe tense, anxious, angry. Maybe you were aware of the emotions at the time or maybe you were more aware afterwards when you calmed down and were able to reflect.At some point, during or after the dispute, you realised your emotional state undermined your ability to resolve the issues with the other person and it probably impaired your reasoning at the time. The other person might have noticed you were in that state too, or maybe not. Maybe they were so absorbed in their own particular state they were unaware of yours. But, either way, they were probably effected by your state and they were responding accordingly.
The "Conflict Trance"
These kind of states share the characteristics of a trance. They involve fixed attention on one thing, closing down awareness of everything else and an ability to shut out a whole load of “unhelpful information” by a kind of selective reasoning. And, like a trance, you can go deeper and deeper ignoring more and more of what is going on around you. But, unlike meditative and therapeutic trances, the altered states in a conflict limit your choices, your imagination and your ability to communicate. In fact, in these states, you might have age regressed, generating behaviour reminiscent of childhood, like a tantrum or a sulk.So most of the time you would prefer to be in a calm state, seeing things clearly, reasoning easily with the people around you. Then you feel relaxed and confident, smiling and enjoying the responses of other people as you get pleasure from a natural and easy connection. And you can think clearly and rationally, making agreement more achievable.
The "Resolution State"
This is where NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and coaching can really make a difference. Because you can learn to have greater control over your emotional states when dealing with other people. There are a variety of ways to do this, including a method called anchoring, a kind of “on/off switch” for resourceful states, such as calmness, confidence, focus.You can use anchoring, and other useful techniques, to help those around you too.Maintaining rapport and preventing conflict
You can also prevent conflict by learning to elicit and maintain rapport with other people, even strangers and even people you don’t particularly like. This is very useful in the workplace where you sometimes meet people you don’t particularly like. You still have to do business with them so it really helps to create rapport, and you might end up liking them too.With a small amount of coaching or training you can spot patterns of unconscious, non-literal and non-verbal communications and explore how the differences at these levels of communication are often the cause of misunderstanding. If you have ever felt like you were speaking a different language to somebody, even though you were both speaking English, you will have a greater awareness of how that occurs and how you can prevent it in the future.
By learning about communication at these levels, by understanding these patterns you can match them. This enables you to state your point of view in a way that is comfortable and familiar to the other person, so they understand you easily. You will be in rapport and speaking the same language. Even when you are disagreeing you will seem reasonable to one another and feel in accord, especially because you will be maintaining a resourceful emotional state too.
There is a wealth of information about this subject and the potential for developing these skills. Here is one website where you can read more about the subject written by leading NLPer Michael Carroll:
Michael Carroll (NLP Academy) on Conflict Resolution
If you would like individual coaching, or for me to visit your workplace, you can contact me on my website as follows:
Lucas Bright Coaching - NLP and Conflict Resolution
Lucas Bright Coaching - Home Page
